I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
