so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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