Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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