Where is the hickey?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
