just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
