Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
there is glitter all over my balls
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