Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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