One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
