does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
