I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
