Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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