Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
