I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We don't watch enough power rangers
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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