I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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