i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry about my life...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
