I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
