Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
