He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
