You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
