First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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