I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
