wrigley field is MILF paradise
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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