I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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