Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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