She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also, beer. Big fan.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
