weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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