the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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