i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
