The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
