Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
