there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
