In the future we'll all be gay
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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