Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
