Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
