did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
