He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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