i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
