Jerry, you need to find god
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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