Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We talked him into tasing himself.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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