i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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