I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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