that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
FUCK WHALES
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
