Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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