you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Operation Purity has been aborted
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
