Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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