If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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