I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
