I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Please, let me fuck your mom
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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