That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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