last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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