There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
