He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize