my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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