Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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