So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
