Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
