whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
