i may or may not be watching the land before time
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
how does that bad decision feel?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
