There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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