In the future we'll all be gay
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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