Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
