I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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