Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize