I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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