I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
