If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
