Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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