she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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