I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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