so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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