And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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