I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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