I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
