just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
a search helicopter?!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
