where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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