Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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