I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
