You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
