1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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