I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
