conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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