In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
