super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
