Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
