I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
