I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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